IUI #4 and feeling….

Well, not that great. Going into this IUI, I was feeling wonderful. I KNEW I three eggs that would probably drop and I KNEW that our chances would be so much better this month – until we got back the semen analysis…(for an IUI, the doctor washes the sperm, filters out the bad ones, and only puts the perfect sperm in your uterus). My doctor has said in the past 5-10 million post wash sperm is a great amount. Anything over 10 million really doesn’t increase your odds – something that I will never ever ever understand. Anyway, Joe’s numbers were about 2.5 million. Kind of low for him..actually really low for him, so I am not sure what happened. We both kind of were like…deflated, obviously we wished it were more. But in my mind, im like 2.5 million of these little things are inside you, that seems like a lot right ?!?!
The doctor came and and explained the numbers to us. He did not seem that concerned honestly and still went through with the procedure. He said it is a little low for what they like to see, but hopefully one of them (YOU ONLY NEED ONE DAMNIT) grabs one of the eggs. I told him that there should be three dropping and he was like, still only one, triplets are scary. I laughed. He definitely lightened the mood. I asked the nurse and him if the sperm count numbers were enough to get me pregnant…because I am a psycho and need constant reassurance. The nurse shook her head yes as if she had zero doubts in her mind, and the doctor said, well, even though they are lower that what we hope, we see people get pregnant with way worse numbers. I think he definitely put my husband at ease, but not me.
I don’t know, I kind of feel defeated. I had so much hope, and whenever I do, something always comes in the way to squash it. Whether it be my thyroid or his sperm count…neither of which we can control. I had injected myself for a week to grow more eggs, and that worked beautifully. I had three mature eggs that were dropping…but then his sample was his worst out of all the times we did this. Its like, really? It had to be this time when I had multiple eggs that the sperm could get too. COOL. Not to mention, my sister literally gave birth yesterday, which I am thrilled about, but also made me want this time to work that much more…and now it seems SO out of reach.
I am not expecting much from this month – unfortunately. People are like “stay positive” “just relax” – those people can kiss my ass. Unless you’ve been through this, do not talk to me about relaxing and staying positive. Try staying positive when you get 17 negative pregnancy tests okay? Oh and the best part? I find out CHRISTMAS MORNING, with my family all around. Have a holly, jolly Christmas!


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