So, do you want to have a baby?

 Ah, that question. That question that you get asked THE MOMENT you are married, maybe even before then. “Do you want to have a baby?” “When are you having kids?” It is never ending. Apparently a newlywed couple cannot enjoy any time alone before they’re being pressured into having kids.
Let me introduce you to my journey thus far. I married my husband on April 12, 2014, and when I tell you I hit the jackpot, I hit the jackpot. He is generous, kind, understanding, patient, and also deals with me on Clomid, for which he deserves an award. We met in Albany NY in 2011 and it was basically love at first sight for the both of us. We were engaged a year and a half later, he deployed (yes he is in the military), and we were married in 2014. I packed up my entire life from NY and moved to Virginia, where we are stationed. Truthfully, I will never go back. We were married for about two years when that inevitable question was asked “Do you want to have a baby?”
The answer to my question was…maybe. Even though we were both 27 I felt that having a child would be a wonderful thing. So, we got to it the next month. I was excited. Excited to start this journey with my husband and potentially have a child within the year. But it also scared me…the what ifs set in. What if I never get pregnant, what if something happens to the baby….on and on it went. Anxiety rules. I tried to let it go the first 6 months of trying because…apparently “normal” is to give it a year of trying before seeking help….that was too long for me.
After about 10 months of trying, I was over it. My anxiety was at an all time high, felt like it was never going to happen for me. I made an appointment at a local fertility clinic, which was to be honest, one of the best experiences I ever had at a doctor. Granted you are there for a shitty reason, but these people truly care and WILL NOT STOP until you are pregnant. Fast forward to all testing done, my thyroid is MESSSSEDDD UP. I had no idea. Cool – started thyroid medication to level myself out. My husband was fine and so was I physically. The doctors are very optimistic.
The doctors recommended IUI (artificial insemination) to not waste any more of our time. I was also put on Clomid to time ovulation perfectly. Naturally, I thought with science I would get pregnant right away….HA funny joke. Three failed IUIs later, I am onto new medications that I will be using this month.
My husband and I have been on this journey for about a year and a half. I am not sure why its taking longer for us, there are no answers. I wanted to share with you my journey from this point on because, especially for me, it is nice knowing I am not alone. 🙂


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