IVF Injections Countdown: 4 days

…..I start injections in four days. Four. 4. Four. I know, as if repeating myself will change anything but its four days. For the last 10 days or so, I have been on the birth control pill, I guess to suppress any hormone activity and give my body a chance to be on a schedule that works for the treatment center. Well, I took my last pill today…and I have my three-four hour appointment at the center on Thursday (2/5/18). Apparently I will be there for a long time for initial blood work, ultra sound, and going over the medications. This will probably be the longest appointment through out the entire process (aside from the surgery)

Well speaking of medication, the HUGE box that was delivered to my house was the most overwhelming thing I have ever seen. I thought doing 3 total injections was bad, this is going to be 3 injections daily for 8-10 days. The amount of medication sitting on my dining room table / in my refrigerator is absolutely insane. It was an actual pharmacy that was delivered. I mean its scary to look at, but having injections in previous months (GONAL – F for an IUI) I know it wont be awful. However this is 100x the amount of medication. Will I have those intense headaches? probably. Will I turn into the Hulk if a student forgets a pencil? More than likely. Will I gain weight? was literally the first thing the doctor warned me of, so yes dammit. Will it be a lot to deal with and uncomfortable? I am sure of it, but I can do ANYTHING for 8 days, especially to have a child. I will power through whatever is coming my way.

Here is a little side note – the medication cost was about $9,000. I got the most amazing beautiful call from the Pharmacy in NJ and they said INSURANCE WAS COVERING HALF. The tech was literally like, we never see this, this is so unusual ESP from Tri Care, and I am going to send you everything and charge you now before anyone asks questions. She was looking out and I couldn’t have had appreciated it more 😛

Anyway back to what I was talking about. I am so ready to do IVF. I have never been this excited or hopeful in our journey to become parents. I never ever felt like this for IUIs, ever. IUIs have shitty chances, just like conceiving naturally. (and yes of course women get pregnant when they sneeze or IUI works for them, but statistically its shitty.) I am also terrified of being so excited because the let down if it doesn’t work will be 100x worse than IUI because I kind of am expecting it to work. My head and my heart are constantly battling each other like in my heart and my gut, i know it’ll work, but my head is like slow down betch you really never know. I guess were going to have to see.

Let this journey begin! and You can count on me to be brutally honest about the whole process just in case you may have to go through the same thing one day 😛

The Thyroid is the HBIC

Yesterday, I had to go back to the endocrinologist for my routine check up on my thyroid. You know, that ridiculously important butterfly shaped organ that is in charge of all your hormones? Yeah, that one. Something that you really need in check if you’re trying to have a child. I literally had no idea the impact the thyroid has on your entire existence…physically, emotionally, mentally…everything. Even if your numbers are a little out of whack, you can feel like an entirely different person.

I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism back in June (2017) so only a few months ago. Before then though….basically the entire year before that…I knew something was off with me…especially from March until I saw the doctor in June. The exhaustion that I felt all the time was so intense, that I did not want to go to work. This may sound ridiculous, but my face swelled. I looked at my husband and I was like “Why do I look at a Telly Tubby? What is going on with me? Why am I gaining weight when I work out and eat great? Why am I exhausted ALL The time? Why are my cycles ranging from 28-48 days? (No, I am not joking…and you wonder why we were struggling to get pregnant lol). Even my mom asked me why my coloring looked terrible. I thought honestly it was from the stress of  trying to conceive. But thankfully after months and months of trying we went to a fertility specialist and she wanted to check my thyroid because the red flag for her was that my cycles ranged from 28-48 days. She was like…lets check ya thyroid.

Well, thank god she did, because my numbers were pretty bad. I had mentioned to her about the weight gain and the exhaustion and everything, and she was like well, it makes sense. I was kind of relieved honestly to have an answer of why I was ballooning, why my periods were so whacky, and why we weren’t getting pregnant. She diagnosed me with hypothyroidism and sent me to an endocrinologist immediately. This will be a lifelong treatment.

When she diagnosed me, I could not believe the effects that a non stable thyroid can have on your body and your chances of having a baby. I mean, of course there are always exceptions where women get pregnant with a shitty thyroid but she mentioned to me that if your thyroid isn’t stable, you have a high chance of not conceiving, and if you do, you have a high chance of miscarriage and fetal problems. LIKE WHAT?!?! So I kind of learned that day that even though we had been trying a year….our chances were pretty slim. I was relieved / pissed. The strangest feeling ever.

Being regulated now, I really do feel great. The weight is slowly coming off, my face deflated, and I feel less tired (I mean I am a teacher and that’s exhausting but no where near what I was feeling ha) I highly recommend people  getting their thyroid checked out if they are feeling off or anything. It could really make the biggest difference. 🙂 Especially when trying to conceive!

TWW got me like…

When trying to conceive, the two week wait is the two weeks from when you ovulate to when you can take a pregnancy test. Usually 14 days past ovulation, its a 99% accurate positive or negative. However, most women never know when they ovulate but, I have know down to the hour – I think thats pretty cool.

Before I saw the fertility doctors, the two week wait was torture. I would analyze every symptom and google it for reassurance. My boob hurt for 1 minute…could I be pregnant? My obsession for every little cramp, twinge, and pull in my uterus became so overwhelming! I was driving myself crazy to always get a negative test.

Now, after 19 negative pregnancy tests, I do not care about the symptoms…ESPECIALLY now that I am on the evil hormone progesterone. The extra Progesterone makes you bloat, boobs hurt, tired, moody, emotional….everything you can think of….which makes you believe that you could be pregnant. Then it also makes your period late too, until you stop taking it. Its not nice!

The real MVP in all of this is my poor husband. He deserves a medal for dealing with my mood swings. We could literally be sitting there and Ill either start crying or yelling for no reason, all the while thinking like this has to be the hormones, calm yourself. Then I would be fine 4 minutes later. I have to remember that he is on this roller coaster with me and it effects him just as much as it effects me. (emotionally, not physically) Without him, this journey would absolutely suck. When I am sad, he makes me happy. When I am anxious, he calms my nerves. When im hopeless, he gives me hope. He is just the best.

So to all my ladies out there in the two week wait…I am with you. We got this. Stay busy. Go for a walk or have a glass of wine, whichever you prefer 😛

New Month, NEW MEDS!

INJECTIBLES! I have graduated from only Clomid to now Clomid and injectibles. I truly never thought in my life that I would be here, but here I am, and its not as bad as I thought it was.
When the doctor informed that this was the next step after a third failed IUI, I was SO nervous. I did not know what to expect. For some reason, I thought injectibles made people crazy and hormonal and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to deal with it. (I mean if something made me more cray than I was on Clomid, we were in trouble).  But I decided to dive head first because…well why not?  When I got the call from this special Pharmacy, they were like ok we have your order that’ll be $500. I was like damn, not even going to ease me into it. But alas, I paid and the next day it was like a hospital was delivered to my house.


What comes in this huge box is 7 needles, a pen, a box to put your garbage I guess, and a packet of directions that was like an inch thick. THANK GOD MY DAD IS A PHARMACIST because i called him probably 40-50 times in a 2 day span asking questions about how to take this damn drug. Thankfully, it seemed scarier than it was. The big day arrived where I had to inject myself and I was so nervous i was going to screw it up. Turn that dial to 75 and press the button in my skin for 10 seconds, and it was over. Besides some slight burning sensation, it was fine and thankfully i have had ZERO side effects.

Taking these meds are no joke. After every shot, you need to go to the doctor the next morning to get blood work and an ultrasound. Then based on those results, the doctor calls you that afternoon to tell you when to take your next dose. Those people really have it down to a science, and I actually really appreciate them all and how hard they work. I will keep you updated on how my results go!

So, do you want to have a baby?

 Ah, that question. That question that you get asked THE MOMENT you are married, maybe even before then. “Do you want to have a baby?” “When are you having kids?” It is never ending. Apparently a newlywed couple cannot enjoy any time alone before they’re being pressured into having kids.
Let me introduce you to my journey thus far. I married my husband on April 12, 2014, and when I tell you I hit the jackpot, I hit the jackpot. He is generous, kind, understanding, patient, and also deals with me on Clomid, for which he deserves an award. We met in Albany NY in 2011 and it was basically love at first sight for the both of us. We were engaged a year and a half later, he deployed (yes he is in the military), and we were married in 2014. I packed up my entire life from NY and moved to Virginia, where we are stationed. Truthfully, I will never go back. We were married for about two years when that inevitable question was asked “Do you want to have a baby?”
The answer to my question was…maybe. Even though we were both 27 I felt that having a child would be a wonderful thing. So, we got to it the next month. I was excited. Excited to start this journey with my husband and potentially have a child within the year. But it also scared me…the what ifs set in. What if I never get pregnant, what if something happens to the baby….on and on it went. Anxiety rules. I tried to let it go the first 6 months of trying because…apparently “normal” is to give it a year of trying before seeking help….that was too long for me.
After about 10 months of trying, I was over it. My anxiety was at an all time high, felt like it was never going to happen for me. I made an appointment at a local fertility clinic, which was to be honest, one of the best experiences I ever had at a doctor. Granted you are there for a shitty reason, but these people truly care and WILL NOT STOP until you are pregnant. Fast forward to all testing done, my thyroid is MESSSSEDDD UP. I had no idea. Cool – started thyroid medication to level myself out. My husband was fine and so was I physically. The doctors are very optimistic.
The doctors recommended IUI (artificial insemination) to not waste any more of our time. I was also put on Clomid to time ovulation perfectly. Naturally, I thought with science I would get pregnant right away….HA funny joke. Three failed IUIs later, I am onto new medications that I will be using this month.
My husband and I have been on this journey for about a year and a half. I am not sure why its taking longer for us, there are no answers. I wanted to share with you my journey from this point on because, especially for me, it is nice knowing I am not alone. 🙂